Forever Altered

As some as you might know I have suffered from Post Natal Depression these past (almost) 6 months. It took me 6 weeks to truly understand that I was suffering from it. There were some really un-pretty times. But, over the past month I felt myself rise from the fog of post natal depression. The spark in me is back and I am definitely firing on all cylinders now. Hooray! Suddenly I have 4 jobs on the cards, three different career paths staring me in the face, I have fallen head over heels in love with our daughter, my husband and I have been at our worst and we still love each other madly. For the first time I beginning to understand what family truly is.

I now understand why mothers kept telling me, when I was pregnant, that becoming a mother changes you, that your life will never the same. Once you become a mom you are forever altered.

As i sit here writing this, it is 7:40am. We have been up since 3:20am. I have hummed lullabies,  shushed  and patted to sleep. Gotten back into bed. I have listened to my husband do the same. I have listened to her cry. I have shouted at my husband. I hit a door. Cried. Drank coffee at beach watching the sunrise. I have come to great revelations about myself and my life. Gone home. Cried with my husband. Felt unconditional love. Watched poop being squeezed out of a tiny bum. Watching my husband clean up said poop. Danced with my daughter, giggled with her. Hummed Lullabies and rocked to sleep.

Now, I sit writing this, eating Oreos and drinking milk, feeling happy.

One thing is for sure , motherhood has forever altered me. Sometimes I am not sure who I am, but I am getting to know me, one day at a time. I am getting to know being a wife, understanding what that really means. I am one of a family now, a forever. Its a lot. Its amazing.

It is up to me now to forge a future, to realise the imagined, to make it all real. Its an incredible thing to realise that this is within your power.

I keep thinking I am so incredibly lucky but then i remember what my husband would say, "We are not lucky, we worked bloody hard for all of this, and we are still working at it." Smart man.

This has definitely not been an easy road, these past 6 months but I definitely feel like there is more to me now than there was before. This experience has not taken anything away from me, it has definitely grown me, made more of me.

I am forever altered and I love it.