7 Things Parenthood Has Taught Me About Life

I cannot believe that this Friday we will be celebrating one year of being parents to our amazing, happy, adventurous little mite that we call Chloe.

This past year has seen me breakdown too many times to count. It has lost count of the tears that have fallen for my own mother, for the person I used to be, and for the person I am becoming. It has tested my marriage and my idea of marriage more than once. It has confused me, bewitched me and drastically changed my outlooks on life, friendship and relationships.

Here are the 7 things I learnt during my first year of being a parent. I am sure there will be many, many more in the years to come.

1.       Slow down

Never before have I been so tested in this area. Anyone who knew me before Chloe will attest to my impatient, head-on approach to life. Becoming a parent has taught me the beautiful and subtle art of taking things slow, of making space for time to flow smoothly and slowly. It has taught me to enjoy a quiet moment sitting on the floor just watching her, whilst feeling the importance and impermanence of the moment.

2.       Value peace

Over all else. No more chasing the next big moment, the next big adventure. I now choose the still, the quiet, the simple. When once I believed the chaos, the intrigue and the drama equaled a life that was full, interesting and worthwhile I now understand that they were merely distractions pulling me away from a life of meaning, a life of worth.

3.       Happiness is unfulfilling

I have come to realise how shallow the pursuit of happiness is. I have come to a new realisation that meaning and purpose are far more rewarding and teach me far more about myself than happiness ever could. Happiness is fleeting, dependent on outside circumstance; meaning has a depth and force that can sustain true fulfillment and joy.

4.       Being soft is a strength

I used to be a fighter, I used to be fierce. I still am. But I am also now a softy. I no longer see softness and vulnerability as a weakness within myself. That softness and vulnerability allows me a tenderness and love with my daughter that just cannot be borne from strength and independence (traits I once held in such high esteem).

5.       There is no time for bullshit

This is something I thought I understood before, but I understand it and practice it even better now (with more improvements to come). I no longer spend much time lamenting over things/people/events I cannot change. Being opinionated about something does not mean …well anything. I now focus on what I put in, asking myself questions such as, “Is this positive? Is it constructive? Does it add value to my life or the people I love?”

6.       Families have a soul

A family is more than the sum of its parts – it somehow takes on a life form of its own, breathing and changing and growing. The health of that soul depends on the relationships and dynamics between each of the individuals. That soul is greater than me, or my husband or my daughter. It will shape the future of us all and for generations to come. It is sacred and it is to be fought for with everything I have.

7.       Being grateful does not tempt fate

I used to be in a perpetual state of waiting, waiting for the other shoe to drop, for everything to fall apart around me. I often played down my success, my happiness for fear of tempting fate. Now I rejoice in my happiness. I am grateful multiple times a day and send a word of thank to the universe. I show appreciation because I know it will keep coming to me if I keep welcoming it with open arms.

I have found a peace through being a wife and a mother that I never imagined would be possible. I have found my place in this world; I have a sense of purpose that has spilled over to all other areas of my life. It is an overwhelming thing, a thing that makes me incredibly proud and grateful.

To my husband and to my daughter – thank you for choosing me. For choosing me to be in your lives, to be your friend, to be your confidante, to be your partner in this crazy beautiful world.