End of an Era: Returning to Work

It is the end of an era. I am returning to work. There are a few factors that has led me to this decision:

1. I have an inherent need to achieve and be part of a team exercising my brain and intellect
2. We have dreams of living in a bigger house (where we don't have to tiptoe through Chloe's room to pee in the dark)
3. We would like to own a house one day
4. We want to eradicate our debt and save for Chloe's education
5. We have a deep desire to visit and live in another part of the world, for which we need experience and capital
6. We want our ends to meet at the end of the month and not count cents
7. I want to experience what it is like balancing both worlds, that of mommy and career woman

So for all those reasons it is time to leave the safety of my mommy cocoon and navigate a whole new world. Am I nervous? Hell Yes! Is it also exciting? Yes. It is the beginning of a whole new phase. For the first 6 months I was just trying to survive and understand this new state of being a mom but now I feel ready to tap back into the old me too and in the end find a whole new equilibrium.

I have had to find a nanny. My stress levels around this issue were intense. But in the end, after interviewing 7 different ladies I have found who I believe (and hope to God) is the perfect woman to love and care for Chloe. Before starting the process I was given the advice to trust my gut and by the 6th person you see you have no idea what your gut is saying. That is until you meet THE ONE. And then you just KNOW. She is lovely warm and cheerful and I think this is going to go really well.

So yes, it is an end of an era but the beginning of a new one.

Here are some shots from a family shoot we did over the weekend:

Forever Altered

As some as you might know I have suffered from Post Natal Depression these past (almost) 6 months. It took me 6 weeks to truly understand that I was suffering from it. There were some really un-pretty times. But, over the past month I felt myself rise from the fog of post natal depression. The spark in me is back and I am definitely firing on all cylinders now. Hooray! Suddenly I have 4 jobs on the cards, three different career paths staring me in the face, I have fallen head over heels in love with our daughter, my husband and I have been at our worst and we still love each other madly. For the first time I beginning to understand what family truly is.

I now understand why mothers kept telling me, when I was pregnant, that becoming a mother changes you, that your life will never the same. Once you become a mom you are forever altered.

As i sit here writing this, it is 7:40am. We have been up since 3:20am. I have hummed lullabies,  shushed  and patted to sleep. Gotten back into bed. I have listened to my husband do the same. I have listened to her cry. I have shouted at my husband. I hit a door. Cried. Drank coffee at beach watching the sunrise. I have come to great revelations about myself and my life. Gone home. Cried with my husband. Felt unconditional love. Watched poop being squeezed out of a tiny bum. Watching my husband clean up said poop. Danced with my daughter, giggled with her. Hummed Lullabies and rocked to sleep.

Now, I sit writing this, eating Oreos and drinking milk, feeling happy.

One thing is for sure , motherhood has forever altered me. Sometimes I am not sure who I am, but I am getting to know me, one day at a time. I am getting to know being a wife, understanding what that really means. I am one of a family now, a forever. Its a lot. Its amazing.

It is up to me now to forge a future, to realise the imagined, to make it all real. Its an incredible thing to realise that this is within your power.

I keep thinking I am so incredibly lucky but then i remember what my husband would say, "We are not lucky, we worked bloody hard for all of this, and we are still working at it." Smart man.

This has definitely not been an easy road, these past 6 months but I definitely feel like there is more to me now than there was before. This experience has not taken anything away from me, it has definitely grown me, made more of me.

I am forever altered and I love it.