Navigating Being Back at Work

I’ve got my headphones in, head bopping up and down … carving out a zen spot in the middle of a world that I no longer connect to...

I have discovered that I no longer feed off the chaos, the stress of working in a fast paced advertising world. I no longer have the need to prove my worth, to succeed in this jungle of brand success where the air permeates with the stench of self-importance. It all seems ridiculous to me now. I sit here watching people tie their self-worth to another person’s company, watching them link their self-worth to how busy they are, watch them brag about how they don’t have time to eat, pee or generally do anything that doesn’t involve work (as though this is an achievement!) If you can tear yourself away from your busy cycle I suggest you read this great article that really gets into this idea of the Busyness Trap that so many people I know are stuck in: http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/30/the-busy-trap/?_r=0

I used to be one of these people trapped in the busy cycle. When I found myself at home with a tiny baby I craved this world, I felt lost at sea without it. I had to push through this “withdrawal period” and it took me considerable time but in the end I found new ways to fill my days, new occupations to feed my brain, a new community where I could connect and reflect. And just as soon as I had found this new groove where life was fulfilling, full and worthy I returned to work to find that the luster is now dull and the promises empty.  Sometimes I want to scream: IT’S ALL BOLLOCKS PEOPLE! WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS MEANINGLESS! GO HOME AND DO SOMETHING WORTHWHILE WITH YOUR LIVES. But instead I sit here, just like the rest of the zombies and try to make myself look busy in the hope that I can get home with enough energy to enjoy my daughter.

Am I overly cynical, jaded and negative about this? Probably. I miss my freedom, my time with Chloe, being amazed by her daily progress, seeing friends, late lunches, walks on the beach. Let’s face it – life is good as a stay at home mom. Yes there are other stresses, yes that little bundle of joy can drive you nuts, you dream of structure and adult conversation but in the end being at home with your little one beats working in a corporate office any day – hands down! On the flip side if I loved what I did and had fun I would most likely have a different opinion here.

I do hope I find more purpose in what I am doing otherwise the next 5 months of working here are going to be a long dreary painful experience. One thing I will give this place is that the people are nice. No matter how pompous the title is I have found them to be humble, relaxed and intelligent. And that is something I am hoping I can derive some pleasure from… working with people like that, learning from them.

One thing I must share for any mom who is returning to work and wondering how it will affect your relationship with your little one – it doesn’t. I feel just as much a mom as I did when I was home with her all day. Every day when I arrive home her tiny face lights up and she kicks those perfectly chubby legs with joy. You are no less a mother for working. No nanny can ever replace you or chip away at the bond you have with your baby. In fact, ignore everything else I have said today and focus on that one tiny, all-encompassing fact.